Can't go on loving you
by xoxtcxox
Summary: If you don't say what you truly mean then you'll never know how someone else feels. Two people pay for what they both didn't say. If you read this please review! :Eman: Update! 5:25
1. Unsaid words

**: Can't go on loving you: Okay this is my first story so please don't kill me here! lol **

As she was waiting for her father, she glanced one last time at the sliver-famed mirror in the empty hallway. She hadn't changed much in the past 2 years but she felt different on this day. She had the same golden blond hair and the same deep brown eyes, but yet she was different. She couldn't help but wonder. _Will he come? Does he care about me the way I care about him?_ She was even wondering if she was making the right choice. She shook her head to clear the unwanted thoughts out of her head. "_Everyone has second thoughts before their wedding." _She told herself. _"Besides,"_ she whispered, _"he doesn't love me." _She remembered what she had told herself the night before. If he tried to stop her from getting married she would. And she would leave with him. She stuck to her works and she prayed he would come. She checked her lip-gloss and smoothed out her white dress as her farther turned the corner and smiled.

"You look beautiful," he said "We're all ready" and he held out his arm for her to link.

The light turned green and he punched the gas. He was going way to fast but he had to get there in time to stop her. He wanted to tell her she was making the biggest mistake of her life, that he wanted to be there for her, and that he wanted to love her. He remembered when he had gotten the invitation and he had wondered why she even invited him. After what he did to her, not in a million years would he think she would forgive him. But maybe some how, she still cared. He thought about not going for a while. Not knowing what to say to her or how to act when she said those two words…I do. But something in him screamed to go, to go and stop her. Last minute he jumped in him car, still in his old work clothes and left.

When he pulled up to the church he grew more scared and more scared. Wondering all kinds off stuff. _What if she didn't want me? What if she didn't still care and just invited me out of pity?_

As he got closer he saw everyone outside smiling and getting ready to say good-bye to the bride and the groom. He ran up to where everyone was at, hoping to see her. As she walked by with her new love, he couldn't do it. She was so happy, the way she should be. As she was about to get into the car she looked into the crowd. She found who she was looking for and gave him a smile and that was all he needed…. that smile. Sean smiled back and waved. Emma got into her car and just like that she was gone. As he left he thought _"Why didn't I stop her?"_ and as she looked at her new husband she thought, _"Why didn't he stop me?"_


	2. AN

Wow thanks for my _two _reviews! lol. No Really guys thanks. So MAYBE if a few more people review I might chance it to an actual story or just a sequel. So tell me what you think!


	3. Missing him

**A/N: Thanks for the reviews! I guess I'll make it a story…I can't promise anything great though.**

Sean walked away from the church and got into his car. He couldn't believe he didn't stop her. He had it all planned. But what went wrong? It all seemed a blur. All he could remember was seeing Emma being happy, and that's all he ever wanted. A part of him hated himself for not doing anything. He wanted to be the one walking down the aisle with her. He did! He wanted to punch that guy. He thought he understood Emma more then any other person in the world. That guy knew nothing about her. But there was nothing he could do now cause she was gone. He pulled out of the church lot and went home.

As the limo made it's way to the new couples get-a-way, Emma looked out the window hardly saying a word. _"What's wrong with me? How could I even think of leaving Sean for my husband? Sean only came cause I invited him and we're…friends. Nothing more. I can't believe myself. I'm married. I love my husband." _Emma thought.

"Emma? Emma, are you okay? You've been kind of quite." Her husband asked.

The sound of his voice made all of her thoughts of Sean go away. She looked up and said. "Yeah Peter, I'm fine. I'm just um happy I guess." Putting on a fake smile. But Peter knew her well enough to know she was lying.

"Emma come on. You can tell me anything. You know that." Peter said

Emma thought of the one thing he would believe. "I'm just nervous, I guess."

The truth was Emma wasn't nervous at all. She was referring to having sex with Peter. She had never did it before with him. Every time they were having a "moment" Emma would always say no. But what Peter didn't know was that Emma had had sex with Sean. It felt like years ago. But it was one of the best nights of her life. She never regretted it.

"Emma, everything will be fine." Peter tried to tell her. Emma smiled and looked back at the window.

He didn't know her at all. He thought he knew when she was lying, but he didn't. She was living a lie. The only person, who did know her, was the person who she left behind. And that person was Sean Cameron. Sean just didn't know yet.

Sean walked into his empty house and got a beer out of the fridge. The beer reminded him of that night he got drunk on the way back from Wasaga Beach.

:Flashback:

_He told his parents he wanted to go back to Degrassi, but they thought he would be better off staying with them for a little while. He had to go though. When he came back for the frist time, he ran into Jay. It reminded him of all of the good times he had, had with him. But he also remembered the bad. And that scared him. He didn't want to be that old guy he used to be. He left so fast he didn't even run into Emma, like he planned to. He left for Degrassi the next day, against his parent's wishes. He just had to see her. The thought of seeing her again made him nervous. When he was nervous…he drank. Yeah he knew it was stupid. But he needed it right now. He was speeding the car up just thinking about her. But just as he entered Degrassi community, a siren went off and red lights were flashing. He hit his steering wheel and pulled over. He spent the night in jail. But he had one phone call. And he made it a good one. He called Emma. The sound of her voice made his mouth drop, cause it wasn't her voice. Or Mr. Simpson's. Or Mrs. Simpson's. It was no one he knew. It was a guy's voice._

_"Uhh hello?" the guy said. Then there was a faint sound of a girls voice "Peter. Who is it? Give me the phone." She said._

_It was Emma's_

_"Hello? Who is this?" She said._

_"Umm Emma? It's Sean. I know I haven't talk to you a lot since I left. Okay I haven't talked to you at all. But um I was wondering if you could um bail me out of jail?"_

_He hit his head with his hand. He felt so stupid. The first time he talks to Emma in over a year and he asks if she'll bail him out of jail. And she was with someone. But after they were done talking, Emma was there in less then 5 minutes. She paid the bail and her and Sean got in her car and drove to the impound lot to get his car._

_"Thanks for bailing me out…I um pay you back later" he said_

_"What are you doing here?" she asks_

_He looked at her. He couldn't say he came to see her, she was with someone. So instead of answering he asked another question back._

_"Who's Peter?"_

_She rolled her eyes. "Come on Sean don't start this."_

_"Start what? I'm just asking a question." He said_

_She sighed "He's just so happens to be my boyfriend. Okay so like I asked before. Why are you back?"_

_"I just felt like a visit." He lied_

_Emma stopped the car when they got to the lot. But they both stayed in the car._

_"Sean don't lie to me. I just drove down here at 2 in the morning, and bailed my EX boyfriend out of jail! Who, by the way hasn't spoken to me for a year!"_

_"I'm here cause I wanted to see you! Okay! I missed you!" he yelled. When she didn't say anything he sighed and got out of the car. The rain was pouring hard but he didn't care. Neither did she, she got out as well._

_"Sean!" She said going after him. He stopped and turned around. She ran up to him and kissed him in the rain. It was the best kiss they had ever had. There was so much passion in the kiss. They both wanted the moment to last forever._

:End of flashback:

Sean looked at his alarm clock. It was midnight and the thoughts of Emma couldn't leave his head. He wanted nothing more then to go back in time and to be in that moment forever. Sean knew he couldn't go on like this. He couldn't go on loving her, with her not loving him back.


	4. Coming back to her

**AN/ Thanks again for the reviews! Just so everyone knows the next few chapters will have a lot of flashbacks telling what happened to lead up to Emma getting married. But I'll still have some current stuff too.**

Emma woke up the next morning with the warm sun shinning in her face. She looked at Peter who was still asleep and she quietly stretched out her legs on to the floor. She went to go make some coffee, and then she walked out on to the deck that surrounded the beach. She looked out on to the water, sipped her coffee and sat down. She always loved the ocean. She tried to remember the last time she was on the beach. Then she remembered it was when she was with Sean. _Sean_. All she could really recall from that day was very little. Sean drowning. Her saving him. Him saying sorry. And him saying goodbye. Yet he didn't say I love you…he didn't even say a crappy _"see ya later"_. He said he loved Ellie. He had a little "man hug" with Jay. But nothing for her. Her goodbye was that last look he gave her before driving off. That was it. That was her goodbye.

Weeks later she tried to get over it all. Sean leaving and the shooting. She didn't want to go on anymore. Everyday she wished for Sean to come back. But he never did. She needed someone to help her to forget it all. And that person wasn't Sean, it was Jay. Jay Hogart and her had never gotten along, but something about him made her feel comfortable. Almost like he was Sean. He was kinda like him in some ways. Bad boy look. Bad boy attitude. They were friends, so they had to have something in common. Maybe that's why she did all of that stuff with him. Or maybe it was because she just needed to prove something. She didn't really know herself.

After the "Jay indecent" Emma hadn't heard the name Sean in months. And she didn't like that thought. It's not like before the shooting she talked to him everyday. It's not like they were even nice to each other. But with him there, she felt safe. And now with him gone, she felt empty and scared. But what could she do? She couldn't go there to see him. Her parents watched her like a hawk now because of Jay. She couldn't ask Ellie. That would be way too awkward. So she did the only thing left she could do. She asked Jay. He had said he was sorry million times before, but Emma wouldn't listen. So she swallowed her pride and walked up to him.

: Flashback:

"_Jay, um can I talk to you about something?" Emma asked. She knew it was probably a bad time. He was with all of his friends standing by his car. But this was the first time all day that she had seen him. And she needed to ask that day. _

_He walked to her sighed and said "Yeah Nelson, sure. But make it fast."_

_He seemed mad. But when was Jay in a good mood?_

"_I know I've been cruel lately, but I need to ask you something." She chocked out her words slowly_

"_What do you want?" he said bluntly_

"_Have you um…talked to Sean lately?" She asked_

"_Nope. He seems way to busy to return my phone calls. He might answer if you call."_

"_No." She said sharply "I just wondered if you heard anything." She looked at her shoes trying to not look at his face. She didn't want to look stupid asking about Sean when he could probably care less about her._

"_Oh…" He turned and started to walk away but he stopped and turned to look at her. "If I hear anything I'll let you know."_

_She was about to say thank you but he was already walking away._

_About once every month she would get up the courage and ask Jay if he had heard any news. But every time he said no. After a while she gave up and didn't ask Jay anymore. But one day he came running up to her._

"What do you want Jay?" Emma said already annoyed. "Hey, I have news from Cameron do you want it or not?" Jay yelled 

_She turned to look him in the eye. Her heart raced. She tried to hide her smile she was so happy. Finally! She thought._

"Sorry. I'm listening." She said "Well we didn't talk long. But he said he was doing good." Jay said 

_She was happy to hear that. Really she was, but for some reason she wanted more then that._

"_Did he say anything else?" She questioned_

"_He asked about you. I don't get why seeing he didn't even ask about his own girlfriend." He said_

"_What did you say?" Emma thought out loud. But then she thought about something else. "You didn't tell him! Did you? About…what happened between us." She felt so uncomfortable talking to him about that subject but she had to know._

"_No I didn't tell him!" He said. "If I did he would be here right now kicking my ass! I told him that you were fine as you ever were. He didn't seem to really buy it. But whatever." _

_Emma didn't know what to say. He asked about her. She didn't even think he cared. But maybe just maybe he did. That was all Emma needed. To know. She smiled and thanked Jay, then walked home. For the first time in a long time she was truly happy._

: End of Flashback:

Emma finished her coffee and looked up to see Peter walking to her just waking up. She felt so sorry for him. She had so much hidden from him. Stuff he would never know. He was a good guy, and she felt like she was ruining his life. She loved him. But not like Sean. No man could live up to Sean. Why did she say yes to marrying him you ask? She was tired of waiting for Sean. He just lived down the street, but he felt so far. When Peter asked her to marry her she thought about Sean. She thought she was waiting for something that would ever happen. She didn't want to feel alone. She looked at Peter and thought, "He loves me. He's right in front of me. **He **wants to be with me." And she said yes.

Peter kissed her on the head and went back inside. She smiled to herself and went inside with him.


	5. Wanted calls

**AN/ Thanks for the reviews again. Okay so anyways I don't have much of school left so I'm sure I'll be updating frequently. Seeing I don't have any homework anymore. But I sorry for the short chapters, it always looks like I wrote a ton but really I didn't. And I hate it when people write hardly anything, when you really wanted a long chapter. Okay I'm rambling…anyways; I'll try to write some more. Thanks!**

Sean woke up later on that day to his cell phone ringing. His head was pounding and his vision was blurry and all he wanted to do was sleep for 5 more hours. But he found his phone and answered with a drunken hello.

"Where the hell are you man?" The unpleasant sound of Jay yelling at him on the other line made him wish he could hit the 'end' bottom and never talk to him again. He looked at the clock and realized he could see he was already 2 hours late for work. He climbed out of bed. _I hate Mondays_ he thought to himself.

"Shit I forgot. I'll be there in a little bit." He replied and hung up.

Ten minutes later he was out the door and in his car. When he pulled up to the mechanics shop Jay came out of the opened garage. He had an old dirty rag in his hand and he was trying to clean up a little. He rose up his hands, sighed, and then put his hands back down.

"Where have you been? Your late again." Jay said

"Well sorry, but seeing I'm my own boss…it doesn't matter." Sean said laughing

"Right. So where were you? Were you with some chick or something?" He asked, turning around and walking back to the open hood of a red pick up truck.

_Yeah-right _Sean thought. "Nah, I got drunk last night and I over slept. That's all"

"Oh," Jay said, "Did you hear that Emma got married last night? I didn't to the wedding, I forgot."

Sean almost laughed out loud. Of course he knew she got married. He was there. "Yeah uh I couldn't find the time to go either." He said

Jay smiled. "Talked to Spinner, he was there. He said he saw you pull up last minute."

Sean got worried and got defensive. "Okay I was there, what does it matter?"

"It doesn't matter. Why did you lie and say you didn't go?" Jay asked

Sean rolled his eyes getting mad. He had no clue why he was telling Jay this. "Look I…. went to see her at the wedding to see if-"

Jay knew what was going to happen next. "You could get her back? Man, when are you going to give it up?"

Sean started to walk around the room. "Look forget it. I don't want to talk about it."

Jay didn't give up that quick. He knew he was pushing it, but he wanted to know what the heck Sean was thinking showing up at her wedding to try to get her back. "You may think you know Emma but you don't."

Sean laughed "And you do?"

"I never said that. She's complicated, you know that. When you left for Wasaga, she was like a walking car crash without you there. But now, things are different. She loves Peter. She'll be fine." Jay said.

Jay didn't like to put so much effort into helping someone else's relationship. Hell he didn't put much effort into anything. But Sean was his friend. And Emma…well she was Emma. He knew Sean loved her. And he knew she once loved him. But his friend was wasting his life on not giving up on her. When would he give up and realize he didn't need her. She did it. So he should too.

"I know," That was the only thing Sean could say. He couldn't fight with that, it was true. But something told him it wasn't.

"So why didn't you say anything to her?" Jay asked

Sean looked down " I couldn't do it. She looked so happy, and that's what I want." Sean said.

Jay nodded his head.

"Was she really that screwed up without me there." Sean said.

Jay thought for a moment.

_Jay walked down the empty school hallway. He was late again. He was really trying to be a better student. But it was so damn hard with his friends always asking him to skip, him always forgetting to set his alarm clock, and the always tempting ravine. But he was trying. Can't they cut me some slack? He thought. No one ever did, so why should the staff of D.C.S? He continued to walk down the hallway. He then realized that he was in fount of a figure on the floor. Who ever it was, they seem to be having just of a bad day as him. He looked at the figure. It was a girl crying her eyes out. She was slumped in front of a locker with her legs to her chest, her arms clinging to her legs, and her head was buried into her knees. He realized right then it was Emma. Of course._

_Jay kicked her and said, "Are you okay?" He thought that had to be the most stupid question he had ever asked. Of course she wasn't okay, she was crying right in the middle of the hallway. It was Emma…of course she wasn't okay._

_She looked up. She had mascara running down her face, her eyes were red and puffy, and she looked like she hadn't slept in days. If one thing ever scared Jay, it was a girl who was crying. He never knew what to do. He would freeze up, laugh, or sometimes just walk away not knowing what to do. It kind of depended on the girl, or his mood. But if he had the choose between death and being locked up with a crying girl, he would chose death in a heartbeat. When she went back to crying- obviously she wasn't to happy to see that Jay was standing over her- Jay sat down beside her. And did something he never thought he would do. He put his arms around her and let her cry into his chest. He sighed and wondered why she was crying. _

'_I so missed 3ed period shop class' He thought._

_After a while she was done crying she looked up at Jay and said "I'm sorry, I just can't take this anymore. The people staring at me for one reason or the other, my parents are fighting contently, and I know this is stupid but I miss Sean." _

_Jay wasn't really surprised. He even missed him sometimes. He would never say that out loud though. Come on, it was Jay here. _

"_Yeah life sucks. But if you miss him that bad, why don't you tell him that?" Jay asked sounding somewhat concerned._

"_I have to go," she got up and wiped her tears away from her swelling eyes "Um thanks, really." Then she left._

_Jay thought.' Why does she have to act like that? I try to be nice; I try to help her, and this what she does!' Jay got up feeling useless, and then he walked back to his already half over class. He did feel bad for her though. She was always with her friends, now he was lucky if he saw her talk to anyone. She was always happy and laughing, now he bet the funniest person on Earth couldn't make her crack a smile. In the classes Jay had with her, she never did her work, so he thought it was probably the same with all of them. She never did any of that environmental shit anymore. Now all she did was mop around and look like she wanted to die. The only thing Jay knew to do was to call Sean himself and he could help her. If anyone he could._

"Yeah, she was. Up until her and Peter got together, then things seemed to cool off for a while." Jay finally said.

Sean shot up that name. _Peter. _What was so great about the guy anyway? There was silence for about 5 minutes before the phone rang. Sean slowly walked to the phone that sat in the office. He answered it. It was a man that needed a car to pick him up. Sean said one would be there in about 15 minutes then he hung up. He walked outside the door looking into the garage. Nobody was there. Sean walked back into the office and closed the door. He picked up the phone and dialed her home number. He got the answering machine. He rolled his eyes as he heard the sound of Peter and Emma saying, "Hey, This is Peter and Emma's phone. We couldn't come to the phone right now, cause were on our honeymoon. But you can call us on our cell if you need to." The machine went on. Emma saying the number and them saying together goodbye. Hearing the message reminded him trying to call Emma back in grade 9 a thousand times. He would always get that damn answering machine. Sean wrote down the number on a piece of paper and hung up. He crumbled up the paper and shoved it into his hoodie pocket. He put his hands on his face and sighed.

'_I really do hate that guy_' Sean thought. And he walked out of the room.

**AN/ Sorry I know this is evil but I have some good news and bad news.Good news:I have my next chapter done. Bad news: I'm not adding it untill people leave some more reviews. I'm not saying you HAVE to review every chapter, I just want reiviews. Okay? Thanks **


	6. Kept Secrets

AN/ Iamjg---Thanks for the telling me my spelling mistakes. That's what I get for writing all my stories at 2 in the morning. Lol. I fixed all of them; if I have any more just tell me. I don't want to look like a complete idiot.

Emma's cell phone rang later that day. The tune danced though the room and out to the deck where Peter was setting. He went up to the in table where the phone sat. _Emma must have forgot it when she went in to town._ Peter thought.

"Hello?" Peter said

Sean about threw the phone out the window when he heard the sound of his voice. He should have hung up, but he needed to talk to Emma.

"Is…Emma there?" Sean asked.

"Who is this? Emma's out for the moment." Peter replied.

"It's…Sean, when will she be back?"

Peter couldn't believe it. What could Sean Cameron possibly want with Emma? Sean always did look like he wanted to kill Peter every time he saw him and Emma together. But why? They had broken up years ago. As far as he knew Emma and him weren't friends anymore.

"Look, Sean. We're on our honeymoon. Whatever it is, can it wait?" Peter asked getting annoyed.

Sean was half tempted to say no, but instead he said, "Just tell her I called." And he hung up.

Peter sat back down outside. Did Sean still have a thing for Emma? Peter shook his head.

_Peter and Emma entered Degrassi holding hands. Their picture perfect relationships made people wish it were there's. Peter loved it. All he ever wanted was the perfect relationship with the perfect girl. Emma was his perfect girl. Emma smiled at him as he squeezed her hand twice. She was fine, them she suddenly froze up and her smile faded. Peter looked down the hall only to see Jay Hogart walking with none other then Sean Cameron. They continued to walk down the hall. But as they passed each other Sean slightly looked at Emma. That moment felt to go in slow motion. Emma thought Peter didn't see her look at him, but he did. He knew she looked at him, but he didn't do or say anything. Sean walked by and Emma went back to watching where she was going. Peter felt the gaze of Sean's eyes on Emma all the way down the hall. But he didn't do anything. He never did._

Peter got Emma's cell phone and deleted Sean's call.

Emma drove down the highway taking her time. She had been out most of the day. Thinking, enjoying her own company, and taking a small walk in the park. She didn't get that much sleep last night. And the thought of going back to the beach house made her shake. She felt so bad for Peter. But she couldn't help whom she loved. And she loved Peter. But she wasn't in love with him. If that made any since what so ever. Emma remembered when Sean came back from Wasaga Beach. After that great kiss…

_Emma pulled away from Sean. What was she thinking! She was kissing Sean. She only had been with him for like 5 minutes and she was already in a lip lock. Was she crazy? She walked back to the car clearly embarrassed as all get out. Sean followed, forgetting about his car. Emma couldn't even look at him. She put the keys in the car but didn't start it. _

"_Sorry, I didn't mean to…do that." Emma finally said_

_Sean more than anything wanted to tell her he loved her. And that he wanted her to kiss him forever. He looked at her. She was looking like she wanted to get far far away from him as possible. He couldn't find the words to say everything. He quickly changed the subject to ease the tension. _

"_I guess this is a bad time to ask for a place to crash?" he asked with a smile on his face. _

_Emma smiled back. And drove them back to her house._

_The car ride was silent. But it wasn't awkward that much. Emma was to worried about what Sean was going to say or even do, when he found out about what she had been up to. She thought she was better off keeping her mouth shut. Emma wondered what Sean was thinking. He was probably was thinking "Great! I came back for a crazy person!". Emma prayed he wasn't thinking that. Then she remembered what he said. "I came back for you!" She was so happy, but suddenly the car ride became awkward for her._

_They entered Emma's room to see a total mess. Not like Sean remembered at all. Their used to be environment posters spilled all over her walls, now the walls were bare. Her desk used to be perfectly organized with papers stacked neatly. Now her desk wasn't used for homework and projects, it was her second dresser. Cloths were everywhere on it. _

"_Nice room." He said sarcastically_

"_Manny had lived here for a while. She was the slob. But we had some… differences. So she moved back in with her parents." Emma said _

_Sean sat down on her fold out couch by the stairs. Or he tried. He felt something sharp under him. He reached down to get it, and lifted it up to his face. He couldn't believe his eyes. It was an empty beer can._

_He gave Emma an annoyed look._

"_What! Its just beer. I think I just got you out of jail for having a few of those." Emma said in defense._

"_She had a point." Sean thought. But Emma was better then this. He couldn't help but stair at her._

"_What?" Emma asked._

_Sean smiled he forgot he was looking at her. He was deep in thought. _

"_You've…changed a lot." Sean said_

_Emma couldn't help but wonder if he thought any less of her now that she wasn't a perfect person. She didn't want him to think that. She wanted him to love her. And if he realized she had changed…would he change his mind about her. That was the one thing Emma couldn't handle right now…. another person to give up on her._

"_People change all the time Sean. You've been gone for a while. So much has happened since you left." Emma said, closing up on him._

_Sean looked at the floor. One thing hasn't changed. Emma was still always right about everything. _

"_So fill me in." Sean said. But really he meant, "What did you do?" He knew something was wrong. It scared him._

"_I don't know where to start." Emma said getting up off her bed and walking to her night stand to clean up some beer cans._

"_Well. Start with you." He said_

"_I was starting with me. I didn't know what to say first." Emma said_

_That can't be good. Sean thought_

"_Okay well my dad cheated on my mom with the principal-_

_Sean looked shocked. "With RADITCH!"_

_Emma laughed "No. Mr. Raditch was fired. Ms. Hatzilakos is our principal now._

_That scared Sean for a moment. But at least Emma was laughing._

"_Oh…go on." Sean said_

"_Then my mom kicked him out. Then took him back when he got his cancer back. And this is were the bad stuff starts. Promise me you would get mad." Emma said_

'_She hadn't got gotten to the bad part!' Sean couldn't believe it. She had gone through so much. And that wasn't the worst part! The only father she only new cheated on her mom and he was kicked out. And now his cancer's back. She was so messed up the first time he got it. Now it's back and Emma didn't have a sign of sadness in her eyes. She just stared blankly at the wall in front of her. 'Why was she acting like this?' _

"_Emma I promise, just tell me what happened." Sean pleaded_

_Emma sighed. "After you left, I was so sick of everyone acting like I was a piece of glass, like they had to be so careful with me. What they said to me, what they did. Everything! People stared at me wherever I went! 'Oh look there's the girl who almost got shot'…I was so sick of it. So I needed something to make me forget all about it."_

"_Emma, I know how you felt. Just tell me what happened." Sean said calmly. He tried to not get his temper up. He knew this was hard for her. But if something really bad happened to her…he want to know then and there._

"_Sean- I had oral sex with Jay…twice." Emma blurted out. She had to say it. He wanted to know so she told him. And he did promise that he wouldn't get mad._

_Sean rolled his eyes. He couldn't get mad and he couldn't look hurt. _

"_Emma I can't believe you did that-" Sean yelled_

_But Emma went on before he could say anything else about how he was disappointed in her._

"_And I had an eating disorder, me and Manny aren't friends anymore, and I got an STD from Jay." Emma finished out of breath. And she broke…she started to cry._

_Sean didn't know what to say. But he knew what to do. He took her in his arms, and let her cry. Probably for the first time since after the shooting. _

_Sean felt so bad for leaving her. She needed him. She always did. Even when he thought he needed more help then she did. He always thought he needed someone who needed him to be their all the time. And when him and Emma were going out in grade 9, he needed her not the other way around. He thought Emma was one of the strongest people he knew. That's why he went out with Ellie. She needed him. And now Emma needed him more then anything in the world. He couldn't believe he was so blind._

Emma entered the beach house. Peter greeted her at the door and kissed her on the cheek. She smiled.

"Sorry I got back so late I lost track of the time. And I would of called, but I left my cell phone here." Emma said

Peter held up the phone and smiled. "I noticed."

Emma put down her purse and went into the bedroom to change. "Did I have any calls?" Emma yelled from the bedroom.

"Nope. No calls today." Peter said going into the bedroom.

**PLEASE REVIEW! Thanks!**


	7. Running from truth

**AN/ Sorry I took so long with this chapter. It's kinda short...again sorry. This chapter is just a big flashback continuing from the last flashback. But PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE review! Tell me anything, if you like it or hate it.**

_:Emma:_

_How could Emma possibly sleep that night, with Sean Cameron sleeping on her full out bed not even 2 feet away from her. How? She couldn't believe she went off on him like she did. She totally blurted out her whole life story to him while he just stood there looking at her like she was a basket case. She was embarrassed when he didn't say anything, but she felt so relaxed when he hugged her and let her cry. He didn't say anything after that, he just let her go and then said she should probably get some sleep. And that was it. No yelling. No questions. Nothing. "He'll say something tomorrow. I know he will." Emma thought. Now how could she go to sleep?_

_Emma woke up in her warm bed the next morning. She rolled over to the other side of her bed expecting someone to be beside her. She opened her eyes when she saw no one beside her. She shot up in her bed fast. Panicked, she looked about her room. Only to see a sleeping someone on her full out bed crossed the room. "Right" Emma said to her self. She quickly got out of bed grabbed some clothes and slipped into the bathroom to change. When she was done she walked up the stairs and into the kitchen where her mom was feeding Jack._

"_Emma can you hand me a rag over there?" Her mom asked._

"_Good morning to you too mom." Emma said handing her the rag and then sitting down in one of the chairs. Emma watched her mom run around the house. Lately she had been mad all the time and spaced out. Emma guessed it was from Snake being in the hospital. Maybe this isn't the best time for me to tell her about Sean sleeping here last night. Emma thought._

"_Sorry. But if you can't tell, I'm a little busy at the moment," Spike handed Jack to Emma. " I'm going to run Jack to daycare then I have to go to work. I should be back around 6. I left $20 on the counter if you need it-" _

"_Mom! Your going to work. You don't need to freak out, I can handle myself."_

_Spike closed her eyes and then opened them again, talking to herself and mentally calming herself down. "Okay…bye." She started to walk out the door. Emma looked in her arms at Jack and yelled at her mom to stop. Emma handed Jack back to her mom. "Forget something?" Emma said smiling. _

_Spike sighed. "Sorry honey. Oh I forgot to tell you I'm also going to go see Archie after my shift, so I might be a little later then normal. Okay now I'm leaving. Bye." Emma watched Spike go out the door and into her car. Then she remembered she had plans with Peter to go to the movies. She felt terrible about getting Sean up and asking him to leave…she didn't want him to go. She didn't want to lose him again. She went down stairs to wake Sean. When she got there, no one was there. She couldn't help but feel depressed now that he had gone. When would she see him again? She hoped he wasn't out doing something he'll regret. After all she told him last night, he was probably pretty pissed. I'll find Jay and tell him Sean's back. Emma thought. She put on her jacket and left the house not even thinking twice about her date with Peter._

_Emma went outside to her car. But she realized it wasn't there. "Sean! My car better get back in one piece!" Emma yelled out loud to no one. Then she took off walking down Degrassi Street. "Where the hell would Jay be?" Emma asked to herself out loud. "Okay if I was Jay were would I be?" Emma's first thought would be the ravine but she remembered Jay saying he was "changing his ways" or whatever. So Emma walked to The-Dot remembering he had a job there._

_There he was Jay Hogart, waiting tables and looking like he would rather be anywhere but where he was at now. Emma laughed to herself and sat down at an empty table. Jay seemed to take forever until he finally came to her table. _

_Jay rolled his eyes then in a slow voice said. "Welcome to the-" _

"_I'm not ordering anything. I just came to-" Emma started to say_

"_Make fun of the man with a crappy job? Yeah thanks Nelson but really I have work to do." Jay said sounding tired._

"_No, look I just came here to tell you that Sean's back in town. And I told him…what happened," Emma whispered "I didn't have time to tell him this morning that...every thing is okay now between us. So I just came down here to tell you, he might be a little upset with you."_

"_Upset! Yeah he'll be real upset." Jay took a deep breath in. He tried to think about ways to not blow up. "Look I have to get back to my tables…thanks for the heads up." _

_Emma sighed and went back home. She locked all of the doors in her house, even her little window in her room. And then she got into her bed and tried to sleep. It was only 2 o'clock but she just wanted to go to sleep to forget all about this day. She wanted it all to go away. She wanted to be happy again. She wanted to talk to her friends again. She wanted to live again. There was only a week left of summer vacation. She was going to do her best to avoid Sean as much as possible. Every time she saw him she hurt more and more, she didn't want to be that way. But when school started again, she promised to herself she would try to be (as much as she could) the old Emma._

_:Sean:_

_Sean woke up to a pitter-patter of feet running around above him. He sat up, stretched and rubbed his tried eyes. He looked at Emma's bed only to see nothing. Sean got worried and he walked up the stairs. He started to push open the door but he stopped when he realized he heard Emma and her mom talking. Sean sat on Emma's bed and waited for her to come down. "Maybe I should go and look for a place to rent. I mean Emma's house is great. But I'm sure her family is under enough stress as it is." Sean thought. Then he climbed out of Emma's window. He smiled to himself when he saw Emma's car in the driveway. He didn't think she would mind._

_Two hours later Sean had rented out a small apartment room. Okay sure the wallpaper was peeling, the sink always leaked, and the neighbors were always yelling. But rent was low. He didn't want to have to get a job to stay there. But his parents said that they would send him some money each month. So he was all set. Sean drove back to Emma's house to tell her the good news… and to give her car back. He tried the front door but it was locked and no one answered. Then he looked threw the window in Emma's room. He saw Emma's sleeping figure on her bed. He smiled. Then went to go see Jay._


	8. Believing someone u don't trust

**A/N: Yeah, yeah, yeah. It took me forever to update…I know. And it's super short but I promise next time it will be longer. I just needed to write this filler chapter. ****Once again flashback…. and more. I'm having some writer's block here and there. If anyone has some ideas, tell me please!**

_Jay was minding his own business hanging out in the back of the the-dot outside on his break, when he saw Sean coming towards him. "Shit!" Jay thought. He really didn't want to see Sean right now. He put on a fake welcome face and said "Hey man. Didn't know you where back."_

_Sean walked slowly over to him. "Yeah long time no see…whatever." Sean said. _

_"Look," Jay sighed, "about Emma…I'm…I didn't mean for that to go the way it did." Jay couldn't believe he just said that. He couldn't believe he was actually sorry, that he was actually being nice. "Great! What am I? Spinner" Jay thought._

_"Yeah I'm sure." Sean said not believing a word. He walked closer to Jay. "Just stay away from her okay!"_

_Jay couldn't believe it. For once in his life he wasn't lying and his best friend didn't believe him! Jay was getting mad and he could tell Sean was too. "I'm not lying! And who are you to say, stay away from her! She has a boyfriend, you know? Leave this to him! And I can talk to who ever I damn well please!" Jay didn't have feelings for Emma that way… he was just mad Sean was bossing him around. And he knew that if he said that then it would surly piss him off._

_What is that supposed to mean? Sean thought. Did it mean Jay liked Emma? "Then talk to her! Go ahead and see what happens!" _

_Jay turned around in the direction of Emma's house. "Okay I will." He said. Before he knew it he was on the ground and Sean was throwing punches. Jay got up and tried to fight back, until someone tore them apart. The manager of the-dot looked pissed. He pointed to Sean "You out of here! And Jay," he took a breath "your fired. Leave." Sean slightly smiled then walked off feeling satisfied. Jay threw his uniform t-shirt at the manager and yelled "Fine! I didn't exactly like working for pocket change anyways!" _

_A week later Emma stood in front of Degrassi with a smirk on here face. She had made it threw her whole week with out talking to Sean. She felt so dumb about her little out burst with him. With her spilling her guts to him while he…he…just stood there. What did she expect? Him to sweep her off her feet and say that he loved her? No…that would never happen. Cause he didn't love her and this was reality. She entered the school and met up with her boyfriend Peter. The way it should be._


	9. Meeting him

**AN/ Thank you Thank you yes I updated sooner. This chapter is longer...then the last one. lol But I promise I'll have bigger chapters from now on. Okay so I'm not going to go to the present day until I completely finish everything in the past. So yeah, that will be in I don't know 3 or 4 chapters. But it should be worth it. Please review.**

_Sean was looking for his new locker, when he saw her. He continued like he didn't care or like he didn't see her, by turning down the next hall. It felt weird to see everyone again. He hoped no one thought he was a coward or to scared to handle everything that happened before he left. It wasn't like that…….if they went threw what he did, they would of gone to. Sean looked up to see Ellie Nash. She was putting books in her locker and Craig Manning was leaning against the locker next to hers. "Lots have changed." Sean thought. Ellie laughed at something he said then he left. Sean looked behind him to see Emma coming with some guy. Sean didn't even think, he just walked right up to Ellie, hoping Emma would see. Her smile was gone and she looked slightly nervous. _

"_Hey, I heard you were back." Ellie said_

"_Yeah about a week ago…so how's it going?" Sean asked as Emma pasted. Ellie was talking but he didn't hear. He had no clue what he was doing. He didn't like Ellie. He just wanted Emma to be jealous. But he didn't understand why cause he didn't want Emma to get upset with him. He wanted to earnher trust. He was doing the kind of thing he would always do when they broke up. When Emma was around he would always try to be around other girls, to get back at her. But this time was different, they didn't just break up. So why was he doing this?_

"_Sean! Hello! I was talking to you but your not even listening are you?" Ellie yelled, breaking he's thoughts._

"_It's means you like her, you idiot!" Sean said before he thought. "Shit, did I really say that in front of Ellie?" He thought. _

"_What are you talking about?" Ellie said sounding annoyed. _

"_Umm look Ellie I have to go okay? See ya around." Sean said before turning around and running, not looking where he was going. He needed to find Emma. But just as the bell rang he ran into (and knocked down) some boy with a million papers and a camera. The papers were flying everywhere as Sean looked at the boy he ran into. Sean started to help him pick them all up._

"_Sorry about that. I wasn't looking." Sean said_

"_Oh it's okay, I was in a rush anyways." The boy said. They both stood up._

"_I'm Peter Stone, I don't think I've seen you around." Peter said. "THIS is Peter! THIS is the guy Emma's dating! Wow…" Sean thought._

"_Don't worry you'll see me around a lot." Sean said and turned around to walk to his first period class. "By the way…the name's Sean Cameron." He continued to walk down the hall, leave "Peter" alone dumbfounded. _


End file.
